My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
