Tell her she can't have a vagina
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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