Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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