I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
