Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Randomize
