Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
