Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
third nipple confirmed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
