you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
