she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
