for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What drink are we having for lunch?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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