i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
