why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
