miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
