Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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