I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
