I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
