were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
