Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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