The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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