I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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