Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
