You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
