So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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