my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
