my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
