Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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