The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
