I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
