nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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