3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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