Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
