Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
