I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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