You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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