At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
