Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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