Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I don't deserve a penis
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
