What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
