R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
