lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
