Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
