Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
