dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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