Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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