tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
