i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
