I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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