what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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