Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
