I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
