What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
