An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
