I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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