I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
