just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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