i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
