if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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